First off, I have an uncle who is often harsh and sarcastic. My husband once said, "I had almost gotten to the point where I wanted nothing to do with him and then he's nice to me and I change my mind." He is an awesome man, but like I said, he can sometimes be a bit harsh with his sarcasm. He gave a talk in church the Sunday before Christmas this year. He said he wanted to talk about the joy of Christmastime but felt he needed to address the more melancholy side. There were two men in the hospital from our ward that Christmas, one at least is still not home again. I found out later that one of the babies I care for spent her Christmas in the hospital as well for testing a lump on her neck. He talked about a lot of things, including a time I remember well. His first wife died at Christmastime.
He talked about loss at Christmastime. Is it harder to deal with loss at Christmastime? He said no. Loss is hard any time, it just seems like an awful time to deal with it because we think it's supposed to be a happy time. When his first wife died it was because of leukemia. She was diagnosed one July and was very close to death several times. I was at an age where I was old enough to help with the babysitting. If I was not babysitting for my Uncle's kids, I was babysitting my youngest sister who was still breast feeding, so my Mom could spend her time on the phone searching for platelet donors. She spent a LOT of time on the phone because my Aunt had a very rare blood type. After that summer, she miraculously went into remission and returned home. I was the lucky babysitter who was there when she first got back. We made a sign for her, moved things around inside so all her favorite stuff was more visible. And then we decorated the outside. We met them at the corner of the street and they blindfolded their Mom so she wouldn't see the surprises until they showed her. It was a happy time. She stayed in remission for a little over a year. The following Thanksgiving, my Mom gathered my family together for a family prayer and told us that her cancer was back. She explained that they needed a bone marrow transplant. She told us the chances of finding a donor and they were pretty close to non-existent unless it was a blood relative. For siblings the chance of passing the first test to be a donor were about 50/50. But after that the chances were increased to about 95%. It would be a painful process, and even if they found a donor, her chances of surviving the surgery were not very high. Luckily, she had a lot of siblings. One was pregnant and unable to be a donor, but the others were all willing to be tested. With the painful process and her chances I remember praying that night that IF she would not survive the surgery, or they would not be able to find a donor, that she would be able to die before she had to go through too much pain. My family has a tradition of going to Disneyland every year at Christmastime (it was more regular before kids started going away to college). At Disneyland I was told that she was on life support and they were taking her off of it that night. Her kids were not told right away. They had her family driving in that day, or flying, and as soon as they were in town, my Uncle took his kids to say their last goodbyes. He had at least one adult for each of his kids, to help them if needed. It was December 19th. That Christmas was quieter and there was a lovely funeral- I can't remember what day. Sometime after her death, the test results came back- I think the number was 9 siblings passed the first test.
From my Uncle's talk, he didn't mention all the details I did, but he said that his time of need meant that more of his family was together. That they were all there supporting one another. He said Christ was more fully in their Christmas celebrations because His peace was needed. I know Christ was there with them. Their oldest son, around 10 years old, was always known as the "cryer". He cried most times he spoke, and he was speaking at the funeral. He did not cry once during his talk/speech, and his was the most powerful to me that day. He referenced a talk by an LDS apostle that he read about Trials. I cannot remember the name right now, but I read it later and it was beautiful and full of peace.
President Harold B. Lee said something I like in general conference, 1965: “Just as a flood-lighted temple is more beautiful in a severe storm or in a heavy fog, so the gospel of Jesus Christ is more glorious in times of inward storm and of personal sorrow and tormenting conflict” (Conference Report, Apr. 1965, p. 16).
I know Christ is there for us always, but when we have need to recognize him more fully around His birthday, it seems somehow fitting. I hope people do not have to suffer at Christmastime, but I hope, regardless of their current circumstances they can reflect on what Christ has done for them at Christmastime.
My Uncle has been through a lot and then my family is pretty sarcastic, in general. But because of the things my Uncle has been through, he does have a soft side. He knows what Christ can do for people because Christ has been there for him. Christ led him to his second wife whom he thanked in his talk for being there and helping him raise his kids- they all turned out well, and part of that has to do with her. The other day I saw two cars pulled over on the side of the road. I was in a hurry to get to work, but as I was passing I realized, it was my Uncle. He had stopped to help someone in need and was pushing their car for them (they must have run out of gas). This is the man my Uncle is, not the sarcastic cover that sometimes comes across as harsh, but the underlying man, who knows what Christ has done for him and knows what Christ can do for others and wants to help those in need.
As a PS. My Grandpa is home from the hospital, though all those mentioned spent Christmas there. One man was released from the hospital but had to return- he seems to be pulling through. And the baby I watch is MUCH better- just a small scab from where her lump was that they tested and drained.
He talked about loss at Christmastime. Is it harder to deal with loss at Christmastime? He said no. Loss is hard any time, it just seems like an awful time to deal with it because we think it's supposed to be a happy time. When his first wife died it was because of leukemia. She was diagnosed one July and was very close to death several times. I was at an age where I was old enough to help with the babysitting. If I was not babysitting for my Uncle's kids, I was babysitting my youngest sister who was still breast feeding, so my Mom could spend her time on the phone searching for platelet donors. She spent a LOT of time on the phone because my Aunt had a very rare blood type. After that summer, she miraculously went into remission and returned home. I was the lucky babysitter who was there when she first got back. We made a sign for her, moved things around inside so all her favorite stuff was more visible. And then we decorated the outside. We met them at the corner of the street and they blindfolded their Mom so she wouldn't see the surprises until they showed her. It was a happy time. She stayed in remission for a little over a year. The following Thanksgiving, my Mom gathered my family together for a family prayer and told us that her cancer was back. She explained that they needed a bone marrow transplant. She told us the chances of finding a donor and they were pretty close to non-existent unless it was a blood relative. For siblings the chance of passing the first test to be a donor were about 50/50. But after that the chances were increased to about 95%. It would be a painful process, and even if they found a donor, her chances of surviving the surgery were not very high. Luckily, she had a lot of siblings. One was pregnant and unable to be a donor, but the others were all willing to be tested. With the painful process and her chances I remember praying that night that IF she would not survive the surgery, or they would not be able to find a donor, that she would be able to die before she had to go through too much pain. My family has a tradition of going to Disneyland every year at Christmastime (it was more regular before kids started going away to college). At Disneyland I was told that she was on life support and they were taking her off of it that night. Her kids were not told right away. They had her family driving in that day, or flying, and as soon as they were in town, my Uncle took his kids to say their last goodbyes. He had at least one adult for each of his kids, to help them if needed. It was December 19th. That Christmas was quieter and there was a lovely funeral- I can't remember what day. Sometime after her death, the test results came back- I think the number was 9 siblings passed the first test.
From my Uncle's talk, he didn't mention all the details I did, but he said that his time of need meant that more of his family was together. That they were all there supporting one another. He said Christ was more fully in their Christmas celebrations because His peace was needed. I know Christ was there with them. Their oldest son, around 10 years old, was always known as the "cryer". He cried most times he spoke, and he was speaking at the funeral. He did not cry once during his talk/speech, and his was the most powerful to me that day. He referenced a talk by an LDS apostle that he read about Trials. I cannot remember the name right now, but I read it later and it was beautiful and full of peace.
President Harold B. Lee said something I like in general conference, 1965: “Just as a flood-lighted temple is more beautiful in a severe storm or in a heavy fog, so the gospel of Jesus Christ is more glorious in times of inward storm and of personal sorrow and tormenting conflict” (Conference Report, Apr. 1965, p. 16).
I know Christ is there for us always, but when we have need to recognize him more fully around His birthday, it seems somehow fitting. I hope people do not have to suffer at Christmastime, but I hope, regardless of their current circumstances they can reflect on what Christ has done for them at Christmastime.
My Uncle has been through a lot and then my family is pretty sarcastic, in general. But because of the things my Uncle has been through, he does have a soft side. He knows what Christ can do for people because Christ has been there for him. Christ led him to his second wife whom he thanked in his talk for being there and helping him raise his kids- they all turned out well, and part of that has to do with her. The other day I saw two cars pulled over on the side of the road. I was in a hurry to get to work, but as I was passing I realized, it was my Uncle. He had stopped to help someone in need and was pushing their car for them (they must have run out of gas). This is the man my Uncle is, not the sarcastic cover that sometimes comes across as harsh, but the underlying man, who knows what Christ has done for him and knows what Christ can do for others and wants to help those in need.
As a PS. My Grandpa is home from the hospital, though all those mentioned spent Christmas there. One man was released from the hospital but had to return- he seems to be pulling through. And the baby I watch is MUCH better- just a small scab from where her lump was that they tested and drained.
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